Wednesday, September 21, 2011

how's that for honest

The most frequent question I'm getting these days is- do you like being a stay at home mom? The answer is always yes- mainly because that's true and (if I'm being honest) partly because that's what people want to hear. I had spent so long wanting this, praying for it, and talking about it that I know most of the time that's the only answer I can give. The thing is though, it's been a transition and some days have been harder than others.

It was hard letting go of my teaching career. I worked really hard to get to the place that I was at, my whole life really... 13 years of school, 4 years of college, 5 years of teaching and grad school mixed in there. That's a lot of time, energy, and effort. And after a while you find some of your identity involved in it. "What do you do Kristen? - well I'm a teacher". And, the thing is, I really loved it. I loved teaching and I loved telling people that's what I did. So, that was hard. I felt like I lost a little piece of me.

The other struggle came with not being able to pick up where I left off. When I started back to work Everett was a tiny, calm 6 month old. My days of stay at home mom-dom were filled with laying around with him, playing on his playmat, and naps. lots of naps. I knew he had grown up and changed a lot since then, but I never thought of it in the context of my role at home. When June rolled around, I had a wild maniac of a son running as soon as I put him down. He is in constant motion unless belted down in his high chair or car seat. And, I guess I wasn't quite ready for it. I had spent the last 10 months able to go to the bathroom when I needed it, showering, getting dressed up daily, enjoying adult conversation, and doing something that had a clear start and end time.

I guess I assumed when I started my new career (read Everett) that it would be rainbows and butterflies and everything I'd ever dreamed. And in some ways it is. HE is. I love being Everett's mom. I love being with him all day everyday. I miss him when I leave, even when it's only a few hours; however, I found that it took me some time to transition.

It took me some time to realize that some days would be spent just chasing Everett around for hours on end, saying no sweetheart again and again and being okay with it. It took me some time to realize that some days I would go shower-less, make-up less, and without adult conversation until 6 pm when Aaron gets home. It took me some time to realize that being a mom never ends and that I'm on call 24/7. It took me a while to realize that just because I've been blessed to be home doesn't mean that everyday will be perfect. It took me a while to realize that some days will just be harder than others. And, in the end, it took me a while to realize that this is indeed exactly what God has intended for me in this season and I'm incredibly thankful for it.


Missionary Mommy said...

Kristen! I can totally relate to this because this is EXACTLY what I am going through too. Everything you said rings so true for me as well. Glad to know I am not the only one :)

Cait Jensen said...

I love this post :) I am not a mom (as you know) but being a nanny, I know what it feels like to only talk to a small person all day. Some days are long and hard and some are quick and easy. You are doing the most important job there is and Everett is oh so lucky to have you!