And you know what? That is detrimental. It's drowning out that still small voice. It's taking away my ability to focus. It's causing me to place too much of my worth on what people think. It's taking up precious time that could be spent being present with my husband or kids or my God. Hands down, if you asked me what was most important to me it would be my faith, my husband, and my kids. But, things like social media have a way of causing life to get out of sync. All of a sudden that friend from high school who had a baby or that interesting article that someone posted is more important than what's going on with Everett or Graham in that moment. And when it comes down to it, I don't ever want my kids to look back and remember mom on her phone instead of on the floor playing. I want them to know that they are worth my time and energy and focus and sometimes it takes more than words to show them that. Some days it's easier to escape into my phone than deal with the nitty gritty, hard parts of being at home. Some days it's easier to be busy with my phone than come up with yet another activity for us to do, but that doesn't mean it's better.
And so, I decided that I need to start weighing what it is that I'm giving my time to. I need to stop having the excuse that I don't have time for ________ (working out, time with the Lord, doing the laundry, etc) when I do and instead I've just spent it on seeing what everyone else is doing. I need to stop allowing myself to go down the rabbit hole of seeing an alert on my phone, going to the app, seeing all the updates, and then realizing I've just wasted 20 minutes.
So, I'm giving them up. I'm signing off facebook and instagram for lent. Maybe it will be for longer. Either way, the goal is presence. Being fully present with the 3 most important things in my life. Be present with my kids, even if it's watching Martha Speaks. I don't really need to be distracted on my phone. I can simply sit and be with them. Be present with Aaron after the kids go to bed. Actually listen when he says it drives him crazy when I'm on my phone while we're supposed to be watching a movie together. Not having my quiet time interrupted by alerts from instagram. I am removing those apps from my phone, along with my email. I want my phone to be used to really connect with people --- to call them, to text them, to take pictures of and with them. And learning that it's okay to have some blank space, some time that I'm not filling with anything.
There you have it. I hate being wrong/vulnerable/imperfect, but I am and this is just one glaring example. Here's to 6 weeks of presence with the things that matter most. Here's to 6 weeks of finding a better balance and living in some quiet, unfilled moments. Maybe you'll join me?