Coming back to life in Pennsylvania after 10 days in Kenya has been a strange experience. Life here- the good, the bad, the amazing, the ugly has all been magnified because of what I experienced. My mind felt foggy as I tried to figure out how to process what I had seen and experienced in Kitale. I realized that some of the problem is the excess that I was hit with immediately upon returning. All of the stuff that I allow to compete for time and space in my brain- commercials, email, tv, social media, people, relationships, things. Part of the fog is just simply that my brain is so full all the time that there's no room for just silence, for processing. When we were in Kenya, there were times that I longed for the comfort of home --- times that I wanted a slice of pizza, to not sleep under a mosquito net, or to not have mud on my feet constantly; but, the thing that I quickly realized when I came home was that parts of me longed for that uncomfortableness. Parts of me that wanted the simplicity of life that is so lacking here in the US.
So, I have struggled with how to tell people about what an amazing experience it was. I've struggled with how to put into words all that we were able to be a part of there. And my biggest struggle has been how to process this and how to respond. Last week, I was looking at my bible app and a verse came up - Romans 12:1. It was such a moment of recognition for me- a moment where even though I still didn't have all the words I needed or the ability to process everything, I was able to clearly see that the Lord knew just how he wanted me to respond.
I think it was a reminder to me how easy it would be to slip back into life just as I left it, and to be honest, some days I do. But, the Lord is working on my heart. Working on how I spend my days and how I spend my money. He is slowly changing my heart and has used girls in Kenya to remind me that my everyday can be spent dependent on him, focused on him. Those girls longed for a relationship with Jesus in a way that was compelling and desperate and simple. I am praying that as I continue to process this trip and our time there that the Lord would how to love him like that.
*** This was written 9 months ago. Just this week, I was reminded of my trip and these feelings and spent some time processing. It's in these moments that I'm so thankful I wrote this down as a reminder of their longing for Jesus and their dear hearts.