unplugging

This year I've got a few things I'm focusing on. You know this. One of them is being present. One of my biggest hurdles to that is my iphone. I know I can't be the only one. It's hard. In a world of instant gratification, things like facebook and instagram give me something new to look at almost every minute of the day. When I am bored or have downtime, it's second nature to reach for my phone. It's become a bad habit more than anything. An addiction? Maybe. It's gross just typing that.

And you know what? That is detrimental. It's drowning out that still small voice. It's taking away my ability to focus. It's causing me to place too much of my worth on what people think. It's taking up precious time that could be spent being present with my husband or kids or my God. Hands down, if you asked me what was most important to me it would be my faith, my husband, and my kids. But, things like social media have a way of causing life to get out of sync. All of a sudden that friend from high school who had a baby or that interesting article that someone posted is more important than what's going on with Everett or Graham in that moment. And when it comes down to it, I don't ever want my kids to look back and remember mom on her phone instead of on the floor playing. I want them to know that they are worth my time and energy and focus and sometimes it takes more than words to show them that. Some days it's easier to escape into my phone than deal with the nitty gritty, hard parts of being at home. Some days it's easier to be busy with my phone than come up with yet another activity for us to do, but that doesn't mean it's better.

And so, I decided that I need to start weighing what it is that I'm giving my time to. I need to stop having the excuse that I don't have time for ________ (working out, time with the Lord, doing the laundry, etc) when I do and instead I've just spent it on seeing what everyone else is doing. I need to stop allowing myself to go down the rabbit hole of seeing an alert on my phone, going to the app, seeing all the updates, and then realizing I've just wasted 20 minutes.

So, I'm giving them up. I'm signing off facebook and instagram for lent. Maybe it will be for longer. Either way, the goal is presence. Being fully present with the 3 most important things in my life. Be present with my kids, even if it's watching Martha Speaks. I don't really need to be distracted on my phone. I can simply sit and be with them. Be present with Aaron after the kids go to bed. Actually listen when he says it drives him crazy when I'm on my phone while we're supposed to be watching a movie together. Not having my quiet time interrupted by alerts from instagram. I am removing those apps from my phone, along with my email. I want my phone to be used to really connect with people --- to call them, to text them, to take pictures of and with them. And learning that it's okay to have some blank space, some time that I'm not filling with anything.

There you have it. I hate being wrong/vulnerable/imperfect, but I am and this is just one glaring example. Here's to 6 weeks of presence with the things that matter most. Here's to 6 weeks of finding a better balance and living in some quiet, unfilled moments. Maybe you'll join me?

one thousand gifts

This week more than any other week of the year we are reminded to be thankful. We reflect on all the amazing things that we have been given, that we get to experience, and the people that we get to love. The weird thing is that so often we forget to be cognizant of being thankful all year for these things.

I'm reading this pretty incredible book (thanks Melena!) called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. In it, she struggles to live fully in the everyday, in the face of heartache and loss and fullness and joy. Ann started a list of everyday gifts. Her goal was one thousand and she ended up with many more. She has challenged me as a mother and as a woman seeking after God and his heart. In her book, she nails down the problem with us, with society and it is a lack of thanksgiving.

The real problem with life is never a lack of time. The real problem in life --- in my life--- is a lack of thanksgiving. 

We set aside this day in November once a year to give thanks when maybe life would be that much fuller if we could do that daily. So, that's what I've been attempting. Attempting to slough off the ingratitude, get rid of the complaints and instead look at all the things that life is full of, and start a list of my own.

a dog snuggled up beside me in bed
hot, non-reheated coffee
sweet little fingers curled around mine
the promise of a husband home early from work
singing Jesus loves me and Everett asking- again? again?
five more minutes under the covers
christmas music
Aaron's hand holding mine
soft dog ears
knowing what Everett's saying, even when I'm the only one
a weekend visit with Mimi and Pop
talking to Jesus (praying) with Everett
a warm house on a cold day
God's unending forgiveness
Aaron's good morning kiss and "have a good day babe"
Sundays with nothing planned
coffee with Aaron
cock a doodle doo! and other animal sounds by Everett
reaching a goal, finishing a race
a lunch date with Grammie
a girls night out
listening to a great sermon and feeling convicted
an afternoon to sit and read

The amazing thing about listing all of these gifts? It brings JOY. It brings a fullness to my heart when I think about the tiny little things, the big things, the everyday things. The thankfulness brings more thankfulness. It makes my heart full and it makes what I have more than enough.

via

Happy Thanksgiving all.

baptized

It's been a long time coming, but I finally made the decision to be baptized at our outdoor service this year. I'm not sure why it took me 28 years to do, but I'm thankful the Lord continued to patiently wait on me and continue to encourage me in the the things that He has for me. So, among friends and family, I testified to exactly what God has done so far with this life He has blessed me with:

"My name is Kristen and I want to be baptized today because I want to be obedient to what the Lord has placed on my heart and being baptized is one of those things.

Throughout my childhood, I was raised to know Jesus. I remember as a little girl at church saying "Yes! I want to have Jesus in my heart!" I didn't fully know what that meant at age 5, but I did know that God loved me and that was a start. My parents raised me in a Christian home. We went to church every Sunday. We helped out at a homeless mens shelter, went away on weekend church retreats, and mission trips. Looking back, I could not be more thankful for this firm foundation.  I can clearly see the way this foundation saved me from the heartache I saw in others because they didn't know Jesus. It saved me from some bad decisions and things that I would have certainly regretted later.

That's not to say I was perfect and in fact I wasn't. I made my fair share of poor decisions and selfish choices; but, at the age of 19, I decided that enough was enough. At the end of my freshman year of college, I remember making that very conscious decision to make my faith my own. I decided that I would be a Christian and follow Christ because I believed it, because I wanted to, because it was truth. I made that decision because I knew that Christ had died and lived for me. I didn't believe because I had to or because someone told me to, but because it was really, truly what I believed.

Since then, the greatest gift the Lord has given me is a true, unwavering belief in who he is. He has given me an unshakable faith and has proved faithful. That has played out over the last 9 years as my relationship with the Father is ever changing as he reveals who he is to me; however, one thing that never changes is the way he faithfully walks beside me in this life. Throughout times of heartache and pain and through times of joy and blessing, Jesus is my constant. He is my comfort, strength and joy and I am blessed a thousand times over to be his daughter.

And, the Lord is not done with me yet. He continues to work on my heart, my motives, and my life. He uses people from this body (Providence), my family, my friends, my husband, and my son to show me how much grace I receive and how much he loves me. I trust and believe that until the day I am called home to heaven, he will continue to do a good work in me. Like it says in Philippians 1:6- being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

 *** Something really important and special for me was that my earthly father could baptize me in the name of my heavenly father. What an incredible blessing you are and have been on my life Dad. I love you!

So there you have it. My testimony. The day was unpredictable weather wise and so we gave our testimonies (there were 9 of us baptized on Sunday!!!) in a pavilion and then were baptized in the Brandywine. I'm so glad that I did it. So glad I can share with you exactly what God has done and is doing in my life!