sometimes there just aren't enough rocks...

I've been feeling like that this past week. Really just struggling with the loss of Luke and just how unfair and terrible it feels. I've been searching the scriptures for comfort, for answers. I know that my words are nothing more than nice words, but that scripture can bring comfort and life and joy back to Sara and Keith. I find that the Psalms bring so much comfort and peace. Psalm 40 in particular is my prayer for them:

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned and heard my cry. 
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand. 
He put a new song in my mouth, 
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the Lord. 


I am praying with confidence, knowing that the Lord will pull them out of their hurt and despair, He will be their solid ground to stand on, and eventually He will give them joy in their hearts. I know that the Lord uses his people to tell the message of his love and redemption, and I believe that He will do that through the faith of Sara and Keith. Please continue to pray for healing in their hearts, peace with unanswed questions, and comfort for each moment.

Remembering Luke

Sara Thomas is one of my best friends. Her and I have shared life together the last four years. It was an instant friendship based on our love for Jesus and teaching high school kids. We work together in the same department, teach the same course, share materials and lunches and rides to school.  There have been plenty of weekend grad classes, morning coffee runs and shopping trips. We've been there with each other for her wedding and the birth of both of our boys. And on Tuesday, I was with my dear friend when her baby boy went to heaven.

There aren't any words to describe the grief and pain that I feel for my sweet friend. I can't pretend to even understand how she's feeling. The only thing I do know and cling to is a sovereign, faithful God. God didn't create us to experience death, death is here because of sin. No wonder it doesn't make sense and is seemingly impossible to deal with. I know that Christ is mourning with Sara and Keith. In all of this, I am 100% sure that the Lord will stand by Sara and Keith and give them what they need to make it through the next hours, weeks, and months. Pray with me for Sara, Keith and their families. Pray for peace and comfort and for the reminder that there is hope because Jesus not only lived this life and understands our hurts, but also because he died and took on our sins for the redemption of mankind.

I love you Sara Thomas and I loved your little boy.

My Gram

Sunday was a good morning. We had woken up for our last day in Vermont with the Magees. I was making bacon and eggs when my dad called. My hands were full and I just let it go to voicemail. I thought it was weird that he was calling at 9 on a Sunday morning, also weird that he actually left a voicemail. It was Gram. She had passed away at 4:30 this morning. I didn't really know how to react. I had visited with her at Christmas. She wasn't doing well and was barely talking. It was a drastic change from when I was hanging out with her over Labor Day. I knew that I was probably going to get this phone call, but I didn't think so soon. I mean really, I didn't want that phone call. ever. I really loved my Grandma and had a great relationship with her. Her and my Grandpa loved me and I knew it. It was so evident to me in the time that they spent with me, in the way that they were involved with my life, and in the many times that they had told me so. I can remember summers spent hanging out with Gram during the day. She watched my sisters and I every day during our summer breaks. She made me pancakes nearly every day. She called me the pancake kid. I'm so thankful for my Grandma and her influence on my life. I'm thankful that she was willing to hang out with us and love us and put up with all our crazy non-sense.




I got one last "I love you" from Grandma at Christmas. She wasn't really talking or responding to much. She was smiling at Everett and seemed happy to see us. Dad and I stayed to hang out for a while longer. We fed her dinner and watched Jeopardy, which Gram loved. We talked with her, even though she wasn't talking back. As we got ready to leave I hugged her, gave her a kiss and told her I loved her, and to my surprise, she said I love you too. It was one last sweet reminder of what I already knew.